I’ve lost count of the amount of people I’ve spoken to lately who have all questioned where 2018 has gone! Seriously, looking back to this time last year, I was shocked at how fast the year previously had gone, but 2018 has been something else! It’s frightening that time seems to be going by so quickly and every time I suggest such a thing, my husband ‘lovingly’ reassures me there are 24 hours in every single day, 60 minutes in each hour and an hour is still made up of the same amount of time that it always has been…..no 2018 hasn’t gone any faster than any other year! The more ‘mature’ aged people I spend time with have just assured me it’s a sign you’re getting older when the time starts going quickly. As if I needed that reminder, I’m already planning my 50th even though I’m still in denial about having reached my mid-late forties!!
So, what did happen to 2018? I don’t honestly know….did I keep to my plans, did I achieve what I set out to achieve, did the year end in the way I expected, or has it turned out to be a big disappointment?! I quite like this ‘end of year’ rounding up of things because it makes me sit down and look through things, read diaries, scroll through photos – dare I say it, scroll through social media posts….I love all the reminders and yet again, while I question where on earth has this year gone? what on earth have I spent my time doing? what have I got to show for the end of another year?…..all of that…….I love the memories that have been hidden away, waiting for the New Year’s Eve reminder!
I started out 2018, not with New Year’s Resolutions but with ‘intentions’…in a notebook I had written, to have intentions one has to be intentional. So in 2018 I intended ……to live every day the best I can, to look for the positive and not see the negative, to find the good in people/situations….to see Jesus in my everyday and to ‘include’ Him and see Him not just a coincidence – to look to Him for answers and trust Him, not try to sort and fix things myself! And the big one, as always….to wait for God’s timing…. in everything! Aargh!
When you find yourself in a place of waiting, how difficult is it to just ….wait?! Exactly! And that’s the place that we have been in, for a while now. Because I am ‘patiently waiting’, I have been unable to write blogs…..it’s the same as I said at the end of last year, it’s not that I don’t have hundreds of blog posts going around in my head, my thoughts haven’t just stopped, I just can’t write at the moment and I am hoping the block is lifted soon because as I sit here with my laptop, Christmas tree lights twinkling (probably for the last day of this season), everyone else is asleep, I am reminded how much I enjoy sitting and tapping away on the keyboard, getting my thoughts out there.
Maybe it’s that our thoughts, lessons, the things that God is speaking to us about during seasons of waiting….maybe they are literally that – ours! Not to share with the world and his brother! Maybe the silence from my keyboard is because all the thoughts and ponderings, all the questions, all the ahh I get it now, all the oh I see, have been for me…..they have been helping me, shaping me….preparing me for whatever happens when the waiting is over? Hmmmm…….
The questions, did I keep to my plans, did I live everyday the best I could, did I always see the postive rather than negative, did I always see the good in people/situations, did I see Jesus in my everyday, did I include Him, did I trust God and His timing? I think I can say I gave it a good shot, but I know I could have done better! And I think those intentions are exactly what I will be taking with me into 2019, hoping I do better than this year?!
So, goodbye 2018….the year I reached 46, my first baby became 21, the man and I celebrated our anniversary in Venice again, we celebrated the boy’s GCSE results and prom, we’ve started again with GCSE and A levels, we’ve almost come to the end of uni with one and half way through with another, amazingly we had proper SNOW and even more amazingly, we were all home and able to enjoy it together! There were football matches…what I mean is, we went to Wembley! We may not have got the result we wanted but I had a brilliant road trip with the lads! There were cinema trips….Peter Rabbit (not quite like the original but hey!), The Mountain Between Us (the less said about that!), Goodbye Christopher Robin, The Greatest Showman, Christopher Robin, I sobbed within seconds of the start of the long awaited Mama Mia 2 ♥ There was a girls theatre trip to see The Little Mermaid (not helped by the man sat in front with his horrible aftershave!), and another girls only trip pottery painting. There has been a lot of knitting and I have got myself back into sewing this year making curtains, blankets, books, cushions, hot water bottle covers….I am determined that all my Christmas gifts will be made in 2019! I finally mastered crochet….well, a bit of basic crochet but have been given a great book to keep me occupied next year! We’ve had road trips to St Ives, Falmouth, Hertford, Milton Keynes, Bristol, Yeovil, the man and I took a mammoth road trip with rainbows all the way and sunsets on the way back, we took what was probably the last annual family camping trip and I discovered the joy of Pot Noodles, we have filled up the freezer with the tons of blackberries we picked nearby, I haven’t run much this year but was surprised to find that I had been more than I realised, I discovered the fun that is Miranda’s Maracattack! I have enjoyed the flowers appearing in the garden but I have missed watching the seasons change because I haven’t been running so much, I have spotted so many rainbows this year which I always take as a personal reminder that everything is going to be okay…..we’ve had church film afternoons, ladies afternoon cream teas, the ladies have studied all the women of the Bible (we may’ve missed a couple out!), we’ve had the most fun at a Christmas party ever and had a lovely Carol Service too.
As ever, there have been highs and there have been lows, we’ve had good news and not so good news, we’ve heard happy news and also not so happy news, we’ve had some very funny moments, real belly laughs but we’ve also had some very sad moments too. There has been laughter and there have been tears (a combination of the two on Christmas Eve when I found my turkey hadn’t fully defrosted yet!). However, with everything that has been going on, all we have gone through, everything we are waiting for, this year more than ever, I have found myself to be in a place of peace….knowing without any doubt whatsoever, that God is completely in control, that every step I have taken this year has been trusting Him, waiting for him to ‘tell me’, almost gobsmacked tbh, when the answer hasn’t been NO! When He hasn’t closed the door on things and we seem to still be moving forward, on into 2019…and until He tells us stop! don’t go that way, don’t do this or that….then we carry on, walking and trusting in Him and whatever He says.
Earlier on in the year I wrote down something I got from UCB and it said this.. waiting means trusting that God knows what He is doing even when He doesn’t give you all the details. And really, that sums up not only 2018 but life in general. Learning to trust God completely and utterly, so that even when we can’t see the way ahead clearly at all, when everything in front is so uncertain, so unknown, so blurry….to KNOW absolutely that God has got this and He really is in control… all we need to do is wait for Him, for His timing (which by the way is ALWAYS right!). He won’t ever leave us, abandon us and whatever is going on around us, when we let go of control ourselves and trust Him completely, there is always peace.
“The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you”. Deuteronomy 31:8
“So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand”. Isaiah 41:10
“But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid”. John 14:26-27
As I come to the end of this (longer than I planned) blog post, I have to say that it kind of goes without saying but needs to be said…..2018 would not have been the amazing year it has turned out to be without the love and support of my husband, my children, my closest friends without whom I possibly could at times, go completely…. doolally! We’ve had lovely times this Christmas with family and church family and I am frequently reminded that there are people out there who are not so blessed as we are and we mustn’t take all this for granted!
I’m excited for 2019 and for all the love, laughter, friendship, joy and whatever else it is going to bring (New Years Day football for a start!).
Now I am off to open my jar of memories…..I highly recommend everyone makes one of these jars this year ♥
Life begins...... 